Out of the mouths of babes

Okay, a friend of mine did a question and answer session with her 6yr old and I thought the answers were hilarious. I decided to steal copy her idea and ask my boys the same questions just to see if I could get a glimpse into their minds. Some of the questions confused Ian a little bit...but hey, he's four!

Ian:
1. How would you describe yourself? I don't know.(OK, that was a tough one)
2. If you could be any animal, what would you be and why? A lion because I like lions.(what a manly animal!)
3. What would be the ideal allowance? And how would you use it? A lot of money and I would keep it in a safe place.(hmmm)
4. What's the grossest thing you can think of? Watermelon because it's sticky feeling.(he loves watermelon so I'm not sure why it's so gross now)
5. What do you want to be when you grow up? A cop so I can get people in trouble. (wow)
6. What do you think makes a person good-looking? Makeup and soft, long hair.(I guess I'm not good looking)
7. What makes you happy? Video games and pasta. (we have a small video game addiction)
8. What's your favorite thing to do with friends? Play video games. (see...told ya!)
9. Do you want to have kids when you grow up? Yes...three.  Two girls named Sweetie and Deanna and one boy named Knuckles. (where does he get this stuff)
10.Name two things we should do as a family. Play together and have a date. (what do you know about dates?)
11. What's the nicest thing you've done for someone? Give them a present like Santa gives presents.(really?)
12. What's one thing you would like to tell your parents? Happy Birthday. (okaaayy)

Evan
1. How would you describe yourself? A boy with short hair and brown eyes. (that pretty much sums it up)
2. If you could be any animal, which one would you be and why? A monkey because he has a funny looking tail. (wasn't expecting that)
3. What would be the ideal allowance? And how would you use it? 50 cents so I can buy me a video game and a Nintendo 3DS. (let's rethink that)
4. What's the grossest thing you can think of? Spiders because they bite and are poisonous. (this is true)
5. What do you want to be when you grow up? A firefighter because I want to help people be protected from fires. (that's pretty much what firefighters do)
6. What do you think makes a person good-looking? Straight, long hair and earrings with a dress.(Ok, what's with the long hair business?)
7. What makes you happy? Video games that have Mario & Luigi (Told you we have a video game obsession)
8. What's your favorite thing to do with friends? Play hop scotch. (really?)
9. Do you want to have kids when you grow up? Yes, Two girls named Peach & Daisy and two boys named Mario & Luigi.(These are all names of characters on video games...told ya we have issues)
10. Name two things we should do on the weekend as a family? Open our gifts on Christmas Eve and have a slumber party. (Sounds like fun, maybe we'll try it)
11. What's the nicest thing you've done for someone? Help them feel better by playing with them when nobody else would. (atta boy!)
12. What's one thing you would like to tell your parents? Mommy, you look pretty and daddy, you look handsome. (Awwww)

Evanisms

Evan has started his educational career as a 1st grader and things are going smooth like butter! He's learned so much in the past year and the things that come out of his mouth continue to amaze me or make me shake my head or both!

Here's a snippet of today's car conversation:

Evan: Did you know that half the world faces the sun and the other half of the world faces away from the sun. But what if you're right in the middle?

Me: That's a good question. Why don't you ask daddy when he gets home cuz he's a science teacher.

Evan: Mommy why are some people born without arms?

Me: Well something could have happened while they were growing inside their mommy that made them be born without arms.

Evan: Oohh...gross!! So their arm gets cut off inside of you and your belly fills up with blood and stuff!!

Me: Well, not quite like that (as I turn up the radio to signal that this conversation is now over)!

Evan: Mommy (with his hands over his ears) please turn off your music! It's for people who are in love.

Don't feed the children

I don't have to cook today! Here's the note I found on my fridge yesterday from my dear sweet Evan:



Translation: Please feed me nothing tomorrow mommy and daddy!

This note stemmed from a weekend of eating junk which resulted in the tummy ache of all tummy aches! So perhaps a day of bowel rest is a good idea for all of us!

Random Questions

Every since Easter Ian has been grilling us with questions about God. I think its because we had an Easter play and one of the characters of course was God. Some of his questions are pretty straight forward and can be explained easily to a three year old and others are a bit more intense (for lack of a better word). I of course punt all God questions off to Terrance since they are right up his alley and because there has to be some kind of perk for being married to a youth minister!


Here are some of the questions that Ian rattled off in rapid succession in the car this morning:

1. Does God only have one son?

2. Why is God big?

3. Does God have a deep voice?

4. Why can't we see God?

5. Is God really everywhere?

6. Why does God want us to be good?

Evan:(as he smacks the palm of his hand on his forehead) Here he goes again with his God questions!

Me: Ask your dad when he gets home!


Of course this post would not be complete if I didn't tell you about the off the wall questions that Evan has asked this week:

1. If I had a sister could I marry her and make babies?

2. Why didn't you make me a twin?

3. Do birds ever run in to each other when they are flying?

4. Mommy, why is your tummy so soft?

I try to answer questions as honestly as I can while still preserving their innocence which is tricky! But I will admit that on occasion I will ignore the question all together or cleverly change the subject depending on my mood.

*for the record...I have a friend who's really pregnant (as in baby due tomorrow) which is where the baby questions stem from...I think!


With Love,
Shanita

Evanism- Teeth?

This is a snippet of the many random conversations that took place between Evan and his grandma (my mom) this weekend during our visit.

Evan: Do you have teeth?

Ella: Shanita...Evan just asked me if I had any teeth.

Me: shrugging my shoulders

Ella: Why do you want to know Evan?

Evan: Because I don't see any and I want to know how you eat.

Ella: I eat just like you do.

Evan: No you don't because you don't have any teeth.

Me: (realizing that this could go on forever) Evan, it's not polite to ask people if they have any teeth.

Evan: Why not?

Me: It just isn't. It's personal.

Evan: shrugging his shoulders and probably itching to ask what personal means... then he turns and walks away

Ella: I guess I'm going to have to do better!

Me: Welcome to my world!

I Love God

Conversation in my back seat after leaving school:






Evan: I love Alice Carlson (That's the name of his school)

Evan: But I love you more mommy. Well actually, I love God even more.

Me: That's right Evan, you should love God more than anything!

Evan: Yeah, I love him so much that I want to rip out my heart and give it to Him.






Ian: No you don't cuz then you'd be dead!

Evan: But then I get to be with God!

(I should really put an end to this now gruesome conversation)

Me:OK, OK...Yes, a person would die if they ripped out their heart but that would physically impossible to do so end of conversation. However, I am proud of how much you love God!

Evanism

I've mentioned my necklace from Lisa Leonard that I love so much. You know....the tiny squares necklace that has my boys names along with a dainty little freshwater pearl.  Anyway, on occasion I do take off the necklace to kind of spice up my attire every now and again.  Well, Ian saw it on the counter and tried to put it on and here is what Evan had to say about that:

Evan: Put that necklace down Ian!  You can't lose it because that's how mommy remembers our names!
Me:  I know your names crazy boy now give me my necklace!

If I had a dollar for every off the wall comment that leaves Evan's mouth...I'd be an extremely wealthy woman! 

Monday Manna: Kiddie Conversation

My boys hold some very interesting conversations amongst themselves.  It's pretty funny listening to them.  Until the conversation goes something like this:

Ian:  Jesus is everywhere.  He even lives in our heart.

Me:  That's right Ian.  That means that you should believe in Jesus with your whole heart.

Evan: Well...what if someone reaches in your chest and takes out your heart.  Where would Jesus live then?

Me:  Umm..... Well....Hopefully that never happens!

Romans 10:9-10 (NIV)

⁹ If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. ¹⁰ For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.

Evanism

This is my smart aleck Evan all decked out in the Snuggie I received for Christmas.

Evan: Mommy I learned how to read really good in school. I also learn how to write and do math.

Me: Isn't it wonderful how much you learn by going to school and listening to Ms. Angela!? (his school prefers for the kids to address the teachers by their first name...it took a while for me to get over this one)

Evan: Yeah, because all I do at home is play video games and watch TV.

Me: ...after I pick my face up off the floor... Well brotha we can fix that right now! Click...off goes the TV and Snap...goes the lid to his Nintendo dsi! Now go and pick up a book!

Nothing like a six year old to keep you humble. And here I was thinking I was the cool mom for letting them get in a little video game overload for their holiday break before the spring semester started. I had no idea the kid thought I was a slacker!



Ok, in retrospect, maybe handheld gaming systems with four new games and new video rockers to lounge in while the games are blared through the speakers of the chair was a bit much! You live...you learn!

Evanism - Obey Traffic Laws

Evan: Mommy, the speed limit says 40 but you're going almost 60!

Me: easing off the gas in silence

Evan: That's not being very safe.

Me: Ok, Evan, I get it.  I'm going the speed limit now!

Man, why did we work so hard to teach this kid to read!

Hummingbirds

Evan: Do you know why humming birds hum?

Me: No. Why? (I'm thinking that this would be a good piece of information to know)

Evan: Because they forgot the words!

Me:  ***silent stare***

Evan:  It was a joke...get it?!

Me: ***silent stare***

Look Into My Eyes

Evan:  Mommy, Can I have my birthday party at Chuck E Cheese because I told all of my friends that my party would be at Chuck E Cheese's on October 18th?

Me: Umm, why did you tell all of your friends that before asking us about it?

Evan:  Because I have to have my party there.

Me: Well we'll have to see about that.

Evan: Mommy, Look into these eyes and see if you can tell me no!

Me:  Crackin' up with my mouth agape! 

Terrance: I wonder where he get this stuff?

Me:  I don't know but that was funny!

Evanism

Me: Evan, we are headed back to Texas today. Are you excited about going home?

Evan: Yeah
Me: Me too, I miss my friends and my bed. What do you miss?
Evan: I miss playing Monkey Ball Banana Blitz
Me: Seriously Evan... of all the things you could miss... you miss a video game!

Evanism

My Evan…He’d better be glad he’s so darn cute!

We’ve been working on good manners with the boys like all loving and responsible parents do. Terrance has taught them that you should never burp in front of girls because it’s very rude.  (Of course burping is perfectly fine in a room full of guys I guess)  Anyway, here’s a conversation with Evan while riding in the car the other day.

Evan:  BBBUUURRRPP! (from the back seat)

Me: Evan, you’re not supposed to burp in front of girls.

Evan: I didn’t burp in front of you, I burped behind you!

Me: Ok smarty pants! In front, around, behind, beneath, or whatever prepositional phrase you want to use. NO BURPING WHEN GIRLS ARE PRESENT!

Cell submission

Evan: Mommy I want another little brother or sister.
Me: Aren't you happy with just Ian?
Evan: No. So mommy you need to get married again so you can have more babies.
Me: I can just have more babies with daddy, I don't need to get married again! Daddy will help me.
Evan: But only girls can have babies.
Me: But guys help.
Evan: How?
Me: Ask your dad.
Evan: Daddy, how do guys help make another baby?
Terrance: A man submits a cell and a woman submits a cell and the cells come together and make a baby.
Evan: Well daddy submit a cell!
Terrance: Good grief! It's not that easy!

~Shanita~

Evanism

Evan: Mommy, can I play video games?

Me: No…you need to something other than play video games all day.

Evan: Mommy, you are sooo beautiful and you smell sooo nice.

Me: (laughing out loud) Evan, you’re still not playing video games.

Evan:  It was worth a try!

Me: You’re killin’ me kid!

How does he come up with this stuff!

Million Dollars

Evan: Mommy, can I play the Wii?
Me: No
Evan: But I want to.
Me: Well, I want a million dollars but I don't have it. We can't always get what we want.

A few minutes later, Evan hands me two dollars from his piggy bank...

Evan: Here mommy, you said you wanted money!
Me: Aww Evan, that's so sweet. But you're still not playing video games!



~Shanita~

Just Plain Batty!

Evan: Mommies work at night and sleep during the day
Me: Only some mommies
Evan: That means you're nocturnal...like a bat
Me: WOW

Evanism

Evan: "daddy, when the stars get too old they can die and create a nova and it can make a new star"

Terrance: (to Evan) "that's right Evan"

Terrance: (to me) I'm going to have to brush up on my knowledge to keep up with this boy!

Potty Break

I often wonder exactly how different it is raising boys compared to girls. If I had a girl would I spend quiet afternoons playing tea party or combing the hair on my daughters many dolls or watching my girls read books quietly in their reading nook.

Instead I have boys that are loud and full of nonstop energy who have toy cars that I'm constantly stepping on. I can't watch tv in peace because they want to play video games and they are constantly wrestling one another or me! Not to mention the fact that they have no concept of what an inside voice is!

But on the flip side.... I would go crazy playing with dolls and pretending to drink tea from tiny tea cups and I get lots of exercise throwing 30lb kids in the air wrestling 30lb kids off of me.  So I guess I like my life the way it is and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Here's a picture of what goes on in the Lofton house...




Ian: Mommy, robot gotta go potty
Me: Terrance, check this out!
Terrance: Well, he said his robot had to potty.

And I can't have an Ianism without an Evanism:

Evan: You know, if you see an ocean you could drown in it or a shark can bite your leg off.
Me: Looking at Terrance and trying not to laugh in the kids' face.