The Change

I am on a journey.  It is an important journey.  One that is starting to change my life even though I am at the very beginning.  I can see these changes every day.  I'm thankful for the change.  I needed the change.  I was headed down a slippery slope without it.  Thank God for change.  If you've followed my blog from the beginning, you can see snippets of how my life has become different for lack of a better word.  I no longer post my Monday Manna.  I rarely post anything more than surface stuff about my family.  My blog lacks the encouragement and candor that it once had.  Blogging has even become more of a chore instead of an outlet.  I used to have so much to share.  My thoughts and opinions were an open book, but along the way my thoughts and opinions changed for the worse and I have been smart enough not to share most of them on this forum.  But I am on a mission to change that because as I mentioned before...I've changed.

Over the past year or so I've slowly placed God on the back burner in my life.  I've tried to assume control without help from Him.  As a result...my life has suffered.  My marriage has suffered. My family has suffered.  I can think of several causes of my slow drift away from The Father, but I won't even play the blame game.  I take full responsibility for my own actions or lack thereof.  So it is time for me to get back to the basics.  I thank God for waking me up out of my spiritual slumber and I ask for forgiveness for turning my back on Him and I pray that He continues to pour out His grace on someone as underserving as myself. 

I am currently attending a Beth Moore bible study called So Long Insecurity at The Hills Church.  It is opening my eyes to a lot of character traits that I need to get a handle on that are caused by my insecurity. I can see my insecurites in the way I deal with problems, in how I respond to my friends, in how I interact with my husband and even in the way I respond to problems on my job.  I'ts been an eye opening experience.  I registered for the class in hopes that I could get a grip on the more common insecurities that most women have.  You know.... Do these pants make my butt look big?  Or, Does my husband ever dream about trading me in for a newer, younger woman?  Or, Am I doing this whole parenting thing right?  But God has peeled away a couple of layers and I am able to see that this whole insecurity thing runs deep and I need to get a handle on it if I want to live a life free of anxiety, fear and doubt.   I'll keep you posted on my progress.  In the meantime, keep me in your prayers!