Dear Evan and Ian

Dear Evan & Ian,

Mommy wants to apologize for being such a meany lately.  I really hope you both will forgive me for being so impatient with you these past few weeks. I would hate to even imagine having a mom who constantly yells and tells you NO! and puts you in time out ALL DAY LONG and to add insult to injury...throw in a couple of spankings for good measure.

It's not fair for me to scream at you for not doing what I think you should do.  If I was your age, I would want to stand right in front of the tv or mix all of my food together on my plate and smash my hands in it just to see how it feels.  It is my duty to teach you right from wrong and keep you safe, but maybe I should lower my expectations of what is good behavior, bad behavior, and just plain kid behavior. 

I'm also sorry for holding grudges.  Everytime I look at my sofa pillows with the green marker all over it, I should suppress my anger because you've paid the price for that many moons ago.  Or whenever I think about the time you had an all out fit in the grocery store and had everyone looking at me like I was the worst mom on the planet so now everytime we head to the grocery store I give you a lecture (in my mean mommy voice) about how you'd better not 'act a fool' in the grocery store or you'll never play video games again.  Seriously, did I have to throw in an empty threat?

I know I've been very impatient.  It's not your fault that I wake you up with 15 minutes to get ready for preschool and then yell at you for taking too long to tie your shoes or brush your teeth.  What kind of mom does that?  And for pete's sake, I know you like being out and about instead of locked up inside the house all day so why do I get angry when you slide down the slide one last time (after I've told you "LET'S GO") when I know that sliding is much more fun than sitting at home watching me clean the house. 

I will try to always say kind words instead of hurtful ones.  I really didn't mean it when I said that nobody will want to be your friend if you always have boogars in your nose.  I just wanted you to let me clean your nose because the boogars were bugging me.  I'm sure your friends didn't even notice.  They probably have a nose full of boogars too!  And when I say 'disappear' whenever you are getting on my nerves, I really don't mean it.  I would lose my mind if either of you were to truly disappear because you are the light of my life. 

Lastly, forgive me for not taking the time each day to tell you how much I love you both more than you will ever know.  You won't ever be able to know the depths of my love until you have children of your own.  I'm not perfect but I hope you know that I would lay down my life for you because that's how much I love you.  So work with me and I promise I will try to do better if you will meet me half way.... who am I kidding, as long as you meet me 1/16th of the way I'll be happy!

On a more personal note...

Evan, we prayed to God for a child for years and He blessed us with you.  You are a ray of sunshine.  You are bright, and confident, and outgoing and you love to learn. I love how you are always teaching your baby bro how to do things and you amaze me with all of the random little 'fun facts' that you memorize. You are always happy and smiling and hardly ever in a bad mood.  You love to please us and you strive to make us proud of you and I want you to know that I am more proud of you than I can say.  Stay sweet big boy!

Ian, you are the ying to my yang.  You are the most serious fella I know, but you love with all of your heart.  I like how you show love to Evan and how your instinct is to protect him even though he's the big brother.  I love how I always know how you are feeling.  You don't keep your emotions bottled up inside.  You know what you want and you go for it!  Your strong willed personality will get you far in life.  When you say "Mommy I love you"  my heart melts because I know you really mean it because you don't mince words even at the tender age of two! Your big smile lights up a room and you light up my life!

Love you both to the moon and back,


1 comment:

  1. Gah, make me cry why doncha!!! :) Very sweet. I share those sentiments exactly! This especially rang true,

    "It's not your fault that I wake you up with 15 minutes to get ready for preschool and then yell at you for taking too long to tie your shoes or brush your teeth. What kind of mom does that?" LOL!

    Thanks... i needed that! :)


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