The Talk


A very dear friend of mine, Shalana, just lost her husband to a courageous battle with cancer.  He was way too young to die so soon and she is way too young to be left a widow with three young kids.

Me being the intelligent person that I am, I know that as sure as you live…you will die.  But this of course doesn’t make it any easier to accept.  I hate seeing my friend hurt.  I wish I could take all of her pain away. Wrap the pain up in a ball and set it on fire.  It makes me nauseous to even think of what she’s going through…let alone be the one who’s actually going through it. 

I think I did a good job being strong for her (well…there was this one time I did break down in a fit of hysterics where I was crying so hard I couldn’t catch my breath and my husband had to escort me to a quiet place until I got it together…yes, I was very embarrassed by this break down).  It’s hard for me to not imagine the tables being turned.  What if I had lost my husband and been forced to go through this time of grief.  I can’t even think about it without being overwhelmed with despair.

Well, the events of this past week forced Terrance and I to have The Talk.  You know, the one where you discuss matters of death while you are still alive.  Our talk started like this… “Sweetheart, if you die on me I will kill you!”  Of course Terrance looked at me and shook his head like he always does when I say something off the cuff.  But this got the ball rolling.  We discussed everything:

  • where we want to be buried since we are both North Texas implants (Terrance being from Missouri and me being from East Texas)
  • where we want the services to be held for the same reason mentioned above
  • how we would like the service to go (ex: we both agreed that a memorial service held the day before the funeral is too much to have to endure)
  • what we want to be included in the obituary (what info is important to share and what info is just overkill)
  • what picture we’d like to be used (I would be very upset if he used a picture of me that didn’t capture my natural beauty :-)
  • will we keep this house to live in or sell it and start over
  • would we move closer to family so we can have help raising the boys
  • exactly how much life insurance do we both have
  • do we have a financial plan in place for how we can raise the boys on one income (it was determined that we need to pay off our debt NOW)
  • is a super fancy burial worth the time and money

Of course we can change our mind at any moment.  The point is that we have a general idea of how things would be handled.  Our next step is to get it all in writing.  We are now in the process of setting up a will.

I had this same conversation with my mom since I know that I will be the one who will be left to make all of the major decisions. The conversation with my dad is next and for too many reasons to list on this blog…I dread this conversation.  He’s dropped hints here and there but I’ve learned that hints mean nothing when you are in the throws of grief. 

So I admonish all of you to have The Talk.  It doesn’t matter if you are 25 or 75.  Death is something we will all have to face sooner or later and since we can’t control death…we may as well work on the things we can control like a plan on how to deal with it when it comes.

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