Monday Manna

Man, this whole mommy thing is pretty complex. There are days when I think I am the best mommy in the world and then there are days when I feel very ill equipped to wear the title of Mommy. I was pondering the other day whether or not we should add more kiddos to the Lofton clan. Okay, let me back up. I was actually pondering whether or not to fill my prescreption for birth control that I received from my ob/gyn the other day and then my thoughts naturally navigated to the thought of more kids. My conclusion is that I’m actually on the fence about the issue.

There are a ton of reasons why I feel like we should have more:
1. When I look at my family I don’t necessarily feel complete.
2. The thought of a daughter would be nice.
3. I’m hesitant to give away all of my baby items and the thought of not having a baby around ever again is kind of sad.
4. I still stroll though the baby aisle in Target.
5. My husband would like more.
6. How dare I beg God to bless me with children and then say….Ok God, I’m done now, stop blessing me.
7. For the above reason, I feel guilty at times about birth control pills even though I love how they clear up my skin….selfish huh? I mean really, birth control is my way of asserting my control issues right?
8. I love my kids and I like being a mommy for so many reasons (even on the bad days)
9. I want to try out some of a few new tricks I’ve learned or have read about. Terrance thinks that this is not a good enough reason to bear children but it’s true. I want to breastfeed until age 1 at least. I want to try to make my own baby food. My friend Greta has convinced me to give cloth diapers a try. I want to also try glass bottles (when I’m not breastfeeding). There are so many cute baby slings I want to try because I really enjoyed ‘wearing’ Ian around in my Hotsling.
10. I still have a little more love to share

There are also plenty of reasons why I think I’m done:
1. I’m getting old and advanced maternal age brings on a whole slew of potential problems for me and for the potential children I bear
2. The thought of proms, braces, cars, college funds, etc stresses me out
3. Although I don’t feel complete, I don’t feel incomplete either
4. Going from one kid to two was pretty hard for me. REALLY HARD
5. We don’t have family around to help us out in a pinch.
6. I like that my kids are getting older and more independent
7. I don’t miss the sleepless nights
8. How many is too many. And the thought of being outnumbered is scary.
9. I would need a bigger car, bigger house, more money, more help, more time……you get my point

Needless to say, I haven’t made up my mind about the whole thing. My husband has left the choice up to me. Cop out, if you ask me. I guess since we can't decide then we'll leave it in the hands of The Almighty. Which is where the decision should be anyway. Right?!

Well, since today is Monday, let's see what the Lord has to say about the whole issue.
Psalm 127: 3-5
English Standard Version
3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. 5 Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.


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