Monday Manna

Okay, I will admit that I’m not perfect. Go ahead and gasp…..it hurts me to admit it more than it hurts you to read it. But I got a reality check the other day that proved my point. Read on…

The other day we went to my friend Nanette’s house (my best buddy from nursing school) for a play date. Okay, we called it a play date but we just wanted an excuse to catch up. Anyway, we continued our adventure at McDonald’s because the kids were pulling on our pant legs and singing “Mommy we’re hungry” in unison.

Everything went well considering we had to sit in the play area with a bunch of yelling, bratty kids until the end of our adventure. After an hour of more playing, I told Evan that we had to go and he grabbed his drink off of the table and stood by us while I went to grab Ian out of the play area. While gathering up all of my things, and waiting for Nanette to do the same, I noticed that Evan was not by our side. I call his name. Evan. Evan. EVAN! By this time everyone is wondering why I’m yelling in the play area and they are starting to stare. Nanette starts to search too along with her daughter Jillian. Now 2 minutes have passed. I’ve searched the bathrooms, had Jillian climb into the play area to see if Evan was hiding and I searched the dining area of the restaurant to see if maybe he went to refill his drink. I am now in full fledged panic mode. I noticed that the doors in the play area would alarm if opened so I knew he didn’t use those doors to escape. Nanette is saying calmly “It’s okay, don’t panic” TOO LATE! All sorts of scenarios played in my head. Would someone really take him? Would they return him? If so, when? Will I never see my kid again? What do I tell Terrance? I want to be anywhere but here! All these people think I’m the worst parent ever! And other horrific thoughts. On a whim, I head out into the parking lot to see if he went outside. Sure enough, Evan was at the end of the parking lot, with drink in hand, standing close to the car. I almost died. He had to walk either in the drive thru lane or in the middle of the parking lot to get to the car, and since he was out there for about 4 minutes alone, anyone could have snatched him up. Anything could have happened. I let him have it. And when Nanette made it outside, she let him have it too! Even Jillian in her little 4yr old voice, said “Evan don’t do that again…you scared us”

I’ve never been so worried and panic stricken in my life. I cannot imagine life without my kids. I immediately thought of all of the missing kid’s photos I see on the walls at Wal-Mart and wonder how those parents go on knowing that their child is missing. Then I even had the nerve to question God and say “Why Me?" I even felt guilty that I got yet one more extension of God’s grace. Why are those other children missing but yet you spared me that heartache and I get the privilege….and I do mean privilege of being able to tuck my kids in at night. I dropped Nanette and Jillian off at home and I drove home shaking. I was clutching the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles turned white. I must have zoned out for a bit because my car started drifting into the next lane and I was zapped back into reality when they blew their horn. I lost it at this point and I started to cry like a big baby. I called Terrance, but he didn’t answer, which was probably a good thing. He already thinks I am an emotional basket case and I’m in dire need of medication! (Not really…..but kinda). It was a long drive home. I also thought about how much I take God’s grace for granted while going about my daily activities. A needle stick at work can cause me to contract HIV. A puddle of water on the highway could make me skid out of control in my car. Not paying attention while loading my groceries could give a predator time to attack in the parking lot of Wal-Mart. I could have gone blind during my LASIK surgery. I could have died during childbirth. And the list goes on and on with all of the potentially horrific things that could happen.

I still don’t know why horrible things happen to some people and not others. I don’t know why bad things happen at all, let alone to good people. I do know that God is omniscient. He has a plan for our lives that we can never truly understand or comprehend with our mortal mind. So why try. My mind tries to make sense of spiritual things but it can never grasp the depth of our Lord. We are simply called to trust and obey regardless of whether or not it makes sense, that’s what faith is. And I am glad to know that God's grace never runs out (unless you're a non believer....but that's a whole other post). So when I was stressin' out, God still had it all under control! WOW!

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

NIV: 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Amplified: 9But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!
10So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).

Focus Evan!

Jillian and Evan (Evan is upset that I made him stop playing so I could snap a pic)

**by the way....Thanks Nanette for keeping your cool when I was about to loose mine!