I Really Want a Margarita.....

I’m in a bit of a predicament. You see, I used to drink. Fairly regularly I might add. Mostly during my college days at SFA. I tapered off a little bit once I attended TCU because nursing school prevented me from having any kind of social life. But I decided to give up the bottle (man…..that makes me sound like I should have been in a 12 step program or something) for several reasons which I’m sure you’re dying for me to reveal.

The first reason is simple. Most of the stupid mistakes I’ve made in my life have been while under the influence of alcohol. Not good. So it’s a no brainer to see that maybe I should let the stuff go. The second reason is because my mom used to drink heavily and I resented her for it. She has been bottle free for years now but there was a time when I was growing up that I saw her drunk every day and I was embarrassed and angry at her every time I saw her drinking and I vowed then that I would never touch the stuff. Of course, once I got to college it all changed but that’s another story. The third reason is that once I really accepted Christ into my life…..I just felt convicted whenever I took a sip. I know, I know, for all of you out there who have accepted Christ in your life and still get a little tipsy…….you go ahead and do whatever pleases you. I’m just being honest here.

Back to my predicament. My point is that sometimes I really, really want a drink. Nothing too harsh. Maybe a margarita or a glass of wine or something fruity with an umbrella hanging out of it. I want a drink to ease my frazzled nerves, help me loosen up, help me forget whatever problem I may be facing at the time, help me go to sleep, give me an excuse say whatever is on my mind, etc. Don’t you see the problem here. I want to use alcohol to do for me what God has already promised He’d do for me! Which is why I guess I feel so convicted when I take a sip. I’m substituting Christ with alcohol and that’s never good.

But for some people it’s not alcohol that they use as their crutch. It can be food, drugs (prescription and otherwise), shopping, gambling or any other outlet that we use to pacify us or that we depend on to lift our spirits. Our rest should be in God and He will keep us in perfect peace if we keep our minds on Him. That's what the Bible says!

I find it’s the same feeling with cursing. I used to curse a lot. Kind of felt good to curse actually, but it really feels wrong to me nowadays. But I can’t shake the feeling sometimes that I really want to curse someone out or just rattle off a few sentences chock full of expletives just to vent. Like the other day I really had to bite my tongue when I wanted to tell Ian to sit his a$$ down when he kept trying to climb out of the high chair at the restaurant. Or when I hit my pinky toe on a toy the other day (that I asked Evan to pick up just moments before) and had to bite back the word s%$#. Goodness. Will I always have to bear these crosses. Atleast I'm not in denial like this guy and I know that I shouldn't be cussing. But since I desire sometimes to drink and cuss…..isn’t that just as bad as doing it. I might as well throw caution to the wind and get it off my chest. Feel guilty. Repent. And go on about my business. So confused. And Tired. And frustrated. And to top it all off I can't sleep! It’s been a rough few days emotionally for me. Don’t really know why. Nothing major has happened in my life. Just pray for me. Maybe I need medication. Or better yet….a vacation! Don’t worry the tides will turn and I’ll be back to my chipper little self shortly. I hope!