The Change

I am on a journey.  It is an important journey.  One that is starting to change my life even though I am at the very beginning.  I can see these changes every day.  I'm thankful for the change.  I needed the change.  I was headed down a slippery slope without it.  Thank God for change.  If you've followed my blog from the beginning, you can see snippets of how my life has become different for lack of a better word.  I no longer post my Monday Manna.  I rarely post anything more than surface stuff about my family.  My blog lacks the encouragement and candor that it once had.  Blogging has even become more of a chore instead of an outlet.  I used to have so much to share.  My thoughts and opinions were an open book, but along the way my thoughts and opinions changed for the worse and I have been smart enough not to share most of them on this forum.  But I am on a mission to change that because as I mentioned before...I've changed.

Over the past year or so I've slowly placed God on the back burner in my life.  I've tried to assume control without help from Him.  As a result...my life has suffered.  My marriage has suffered. My family has suffered.  I can think of several causes of my slow drift away from The Father, but I won't even play the blame game.  I take full responsibility for my own actions or lack thereof.  So it is time for me to get back to the basics.  I thank God for waking me up out of my spiritual slumber and I ask for forgiveness for turning my back on Him and I pray that He continues to pour out His grace on someone as underserving as myself. 

I am currently attending a Beth Moore bible study called So Long Insecurity at The Hills Church.  It is opening my eyes to a lot of character traits that I need to get a handle on that are caused by my insecurity. I can see my insecurites in the way I deal with problems, in how I respond to my friends, in how I interact with my husband and even in the way I respond to problems on my job.  I'ts been an eye opening experience.  I registered for the class in hopes that I could get a grip on the more common insecurities that most women have.  You know.... Do these pants make my butt look big?  Or, Does my husband ever dream about trading me in for a newer, younger woman?  Or, Am I doing this whole parenting thing right?  But God has peeled away a couple of layers and I am able to see that this whole insecurity thing runs deep and I need to get a handle on it if I want to live a life free of anxiety, fear and doubt.   I'll keep you posted on my progress.  In the meantime, keep me in your prayers!


  1. LORD, it is so easy to tell someone "I'm praying for you.", but then totally slack on the promised prayer. So God, I am going to not only do it right now, I am going to type it out. For Shanita, LORD, I earnestly pray that what she is looking to find in You, would come speedily. For what she has asked, we stand in agreement with her knowing that You are fully able to do exceeding abundantly above what we can ask or think. Build her up where she has been torn down. Show her Your strength where she is weak. Most of all, envelope her entire being with the awesomeness of your presence that she may continuously intimately experience You in ways that she may have never dreamed. She has made confession as to where she is, LORD, we ask that You meet her there and take her beyond where even she thinks she needs to be. God, we know You got this. You're simply the best!!! In Jesus' name, Amen.

  2. i am going through something similar in my life.. and i'm doing a beth moore study as well!

    i totally feel what you mean about everything seeming like a chore, and all my relationships suffering as a result. you are NOT alone! i will think of you as i pray -- i'm trying a prayer journal so that i don't say it and not do it (like the previous poster mentioned!)

    thanks for sharing and showing yourself to us. i already feel a little bit better :)

  3. Thanks guys for your sincere prayers. I'm at one of those times in my life where I really need them!


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