Monday Manna-My Alter Ego

I have an alter ego.  Seriously!  It’s like I have an angel, shall we call her Angelica,  on one shoulder telling me all the right things to do and say and then there’s a little devil, shall we call him Damion,  on the other shoulder telling me the exact opposite of what Angelica tells me to do.   It’s tiring.  The bad part is that I really have to focus and make sure I’m listening to Angelica and not Damion.  It’s just that Damion is so doggone loud sometimes that it makes focusing very difficult.

Here are some examples of my internal war:

I would love to have a little more money flowing through our bank accounts BUT I also know that all of my needs are met and then some and things could be much worse so I should be thankful for that.

I would love to take a little vacation from my parental responsibilities BUT I know that there are parents out there who have lost their children and would do anything to get the chance to spend a little more time with them. Plus they grow up so fast and when they are older I know I’ll be practically begging them to spend time with dear old mama.

I would love for my husband to help with some of the domestic duties around the house because I feel like I’m the only one who ever cleans around this camp BUT I know that the hubs works hard, he’s an awesome dad, he’s loyal, he’s genuinely kind and honest, so why complain about him not folding a load of laundry or two or three!

My job sometimes drives me crazy BUT I’m thankful that I have a great group of coworkers and that I get to work in a field that I love and I’m oh so thankful that I at least have a job.

I won’t even discuss how many times a day I have to edit what I say because Damion really wants me to tell it like it is BUT Angelica knows that: He who guards his mouth and his tongue,Guards his soul from troubles. Proverbs 21:23

I know what you’re thinking…. She should just shut up and focus on the positives!  Believe me, I try.  That’s my daily struggle.  To shut Damion up (when he magnifies that pile of bills, that sink full of dishes, those times when my kids are disobedient and those hard to please coworkers) and try to focus on how blessed I am. God has given me grace beyond measure yet I still sometimes complain about piddly things, magnifying them into mountains when they are just molehills. 

So please note that I am trying.  I am a work in progress.  Hopefully you never catch me when Damion has gotten the best of me.  I’m usually able to ignore him, but sometimes my defenses are down! Trust me when I tell you that life is so much easier when I listen to Angelica!  There’s always a battle raging inside me but my little angel won’t go down without a fight!