Soap Box

I stopped at a store the other day to return a shirt that did not fit.  While standing in line, a really nice lady with the words THEFT PREVENTION pasted on the front of her shirt began to chit chat with me. 

The first thing she said was “Oh..he’s so cute!” This comment was in reference to my adorable Evan who was standing right in front of me.  The next thing she said was “How old is he”  I made Evan tell her how old he was and she continued to smile and stare at him.  The third thing out of her mouth was “He looks just like my son.” Now this was interesting because this particular lady was of Latino descent.  For reasons that I will mention later, I was already starting to get a wee bit purturbed with the nice little lady, and I had a general idea where this conversation was going.  Then without hesitation, the fourth thing to come out of her mouth was… “Is he mixed with anything?”  To this question I said… “No, He’s all brotha!” Then she looked at Ian who I was holding in my arms and asked “Is he yours, too?” I simply said “yes” because like I said….I knew where this conversation was going.  Then she put the icing on the cake with this final question…”Do they have the same father?” I just clamped my mouth shut and nodded yes with a smile.
I know many of you are wondering why the nice little THEFT PREVENTION lady was getting under my skin.  Well, it’s because she committed four major No No’s!

No No # 1.  She complimented Evan in earshot of Ian without so much as even acknowledging Ian’s presence.  Now it’s ok if she thinks that Evan is cuter but out of respect for Ian’s self esteem….atleast acknowledge his presence.  Say something like…”Oh what nice shoes you have” Or you have strong cheekbones”

No No # 2. She boldly asked if my child was “mixed with anything”  Now whether he is or isn’t …what business is it of hers.  What will she do with that information? And couldn’t she have phrased it a little more politically correct?  I knew this statement was coming when she said he looked like her son.

No No # 3. It is always in the back of my mind whether or not people think Evan is so cute solely because of his lighter skin tone or because he is truly a cute kid.  I mean think about it.  If he was the color of  dark mahogany like Taye Diggs, would people be so quick to comment on his handsomeness?  Of course I think he’s cute as a button, but I’m momma….I’m supposed to think he’s cute.  This really didn’t bother me until I had another kid.  The sad part is that people often give Evan compliments without complimenting Ian and it bugs me every time.  They may not do it on purpose and the truth of the matter is that Evan is a lot more outgoing and is always putting himself out there to be recognized, whereas Ian prefers to keep to himself. 

No No # 4.  This chic had the audacity to ask me if my kids had the same father.  First of all, once again, what business is it of hers?  And second of all, I know that it is quickly becoming the norm to have several kids by several baby daddies (just ask Erykah Badu).  But don’t assume the same about me.  It’s just rude.  Why is that the first thing she thought of just because my boys don’t look the same? 

I left the store more than a little peeved at the ignorance the nice little lady showed.  Then I decided that I was taking the conversation way too personally and I that I should let it go because I knew that she really didn’t mean any harm by it all.  Evan himself is even confused as to why he’s so much lighter than the rest of the family.  He asked me the other day “Mommy, when am I going to turn brown like you, daddy, and Ian” I told him that black people come in lots of different shades of brown and his brown is beautiful on him so he should be proud of what God gave him.  It’s just that this same scenario has happened on several different occasions(with me and with Terrance) and it baffles me how bold some people are.  A lady actually asked Terrance if Evan was really his son.  Can you believe it?!

Hope you all have a nice weekend.  Sorry for the rambling, but Terrance is making me watch GI Joe so I decided to do a little blogging to make it through the boring parts.  Just joking, it was actually a good movie!


  1. The audacity of some people, seriously. You handled that very well, Shanita. Some people have NO filter!!!

  2. I would have wanted to answer her question about whether the kids have the same father with, "Umm, sure hope so! Do yours?" I agree - you handled that well.


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